WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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