how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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