dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
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So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
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I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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