She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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