You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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