I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.