My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry