This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.