I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.