I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry