Nicole vs. Life
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH