All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
There r osticjed everywhere
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.