Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange