margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
People with herpes should wear stickers.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious