Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
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