so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
