he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
