There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
