he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"