No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
were you high?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.