So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You literally chaperoned my booty call.