You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
