I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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