I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize