true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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