I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
