Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
