Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!