I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you