just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.