Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on