the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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