I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
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I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
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I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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