Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
sex in a hospital.. check
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
