i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
