I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
