Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
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You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
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I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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