So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
