: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.