I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
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Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
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By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.