IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!