So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
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Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
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No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.