Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
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25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today