when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.