no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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