also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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