We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
