you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
