Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
