If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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