when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
