im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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