he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
there's paper in my vomit.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.