I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.