Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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