My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.