i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.