he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.