she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
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THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
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HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.