I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.