All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
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All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
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It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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