At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
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i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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