is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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