Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
