So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
