he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize