I'm going to jail i love you
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
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Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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