I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
