um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
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I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
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Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!