I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
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are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
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We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.