Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.