RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
