Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
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