WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
