My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
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Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
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I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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