...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
